Unhealthy Love…Why we choose it, how to avoid it.
There has been a lot of controversy regarding the release of the Fifty Shades movie and understandably so. Those that loved the book think it is innocent and well written, just a fantasy. Those that didn’t love it feel that it sends a disturbing message, blurring the lines between love and sex.
I read the book but opted to skip the movie. I’ll admit I was more interested in the writer than the story. How was she able to put pen to page and have millions of women not only fall in love with Christian Grey but forgive and excuse him almost anything? What is it about these characters that send women, normally appalled by such behavior, rushing to the theatre for more?
I am not a therapist but I have my theories. Perhaps it is the basic human desire to be loved, have a partner love you fiercely enough to take charge, be passionate, sweep you off your feet and “take” you? After all, isn’t that the stuff romance novels are made of?...
I'm not going to lie.
There are times when I am not the most positive person in the house. Just ask my husband.
Just ask my ex-husband.
I think that's the word he used.
And I hate being negative. I work against being negative. I coach against being negative, BUT...
There. It. Was.
So I decided to go with it. To look at it. And to try to understand why I was holding on to it so tightly. Could it be that everything really was going wrong? That my life was falling apart, I didn't feel good and everything really did suck?
Hmmm, that seemed a little extreme, even to me. Even in this mood, fighting a head cold and oh so frustrated with technology, I still realized that everything could not possibly be that bad.
So I looked closer, dug deeper and it became clear, that something was missing. Something BIG. I needed an attitude adjustment, and as a coach, I knew just where and how to get one.
It wasn't my circumstances and the things I perceived to be happening to me...
"What exactly is an Insight? Perhaps it is the unexpected gift of looking inward and seeing clearly for the first time what has been there all along. The H.E.A.L.ing Process for me was just that, an insight. I've often heard of writers sitting to write and before they know it words are pouring forth with a knowledge that they did not realize they possessed. While working on this book, and the very concept of it, that is what happened to me. I'm thrilled that the many years of work that I've done, along with some gut wrenching experiences of my own have aligned me with my creative source so that I may bring this book and this process into the world." Trudy Stoner, Excerpt from A Healing Process
I'd like to use this blog as a way to share pieces of this insight and process with you, my wonderful reader and friend. While I won't always write about A Healing Process, I still invite you to spend time with me as I write about the things that pop into my head and feel important enough to...
Recently I came across an article describing Empaths also known as, Highly Sensitive people. Having never heard of the term before I read on because the title of the article was about relationships, toxic ones to be exact. Having had more than my fair share of those I decided to keep reading and what I found opened the door to an entirely new way of thinking, and accepting for me.
Without explanation I have ALWAYS been able to read people's moods, and energy. People pleasing was not something I was aware of but certainly something that I've done since I was very young. I have been referred to as a people person, with the ability to meet someone and have them open up and tell me their deepest desires and secrets within minutes. I was of the belief that this is a good thing, and I tend to agree with that. However, when the connection that is so rapidly formed between myself and another causes me (unconsciously of course) to become someone I am not simply for the sake of making that...
Menopause is hell. This is what I've always heard, experienced and chose to believe.
Until I didn't.
Until I stumbled upon a doctor whose message was;
Menopause is Enlightenment, Transition, Power and Growth.
Read that sentence again.
Menopause is Enlightenment, Transition, Power and Growth.
Wait...what?! You can not be serious. Was she serious? Was she a he? A physician without a vagina trying to convince me that my suffering was unnecessary and in my head. Clearly he had never experienced a hot flash.
None of that, this doctor is a she and she introduced me to an entirely new way to experience my menopause and honestly...it was pretty exciting to realize I had a choice. No, pretty exciting is an understatement, it was literally life changing.
Consider this, what if all the stages of change in your life could be a gateway to a newer happier you? What if all of this suffering could be embraced and not avoided or fought against?
What would your life look like, be like, then?
“You’re not a writer”.
That statement broke my heart, and felt heavy in my chest. Until I recognized ego and fear, whispering in my ear again, like they often do. In this moment, there is a choice. I can choose to listen to the internal critics, or I can choose to be brave. Today, I choose brave. Sometimes, often times, brave does not come without scary, but being brave means we do them anyway.
I write, therefore I am a writer. I may not be the most polished, or eloquent, but I write because I need to. I feel words bubble up and spill over, into the air or onto the page depending on where I am at the moment. I write because when I think, the words just seem to bounce around, inside my head like an echo, and when I put them on paper I can see them more clearly. Hear them more clearly.
It’s true; I’m only beginning to put my words out there. It remains to be seen how they will be received and I am doing a lot of internal work around what that...
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