Vulnerability and A Mother Wound

Uncategorized Apr 24, 2022

Have you ever had a conversation that gently pulls out your truth and encourages you to claim it?

That just happened to me. I got super vulnerable, saying something out loud that I had been afraid to even think, let alone speak.

I told her, I feel the desire to date men AND women.

I am a part of her Feminine Embodiment class and last night, she led us through a powerful journaling and then embodiment practice that brought this up for me.

Here is what I wrote:

I’d like to explore relationships with men and women. Not necessarily se^ually but more intimate than friendship. I’m not feeling that I am attracted to women – it’s that I want a masculine man in touch enough with his feminine to nurture.

She helped me to see something so clearly that I was unable to see before.

I have a mother wound.

Stick with me…

I was adopted. My birth mother hid my pregnancy from her family. No one knew.

There is an energy around that. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but when I lean into the energy I feel it is of shame, guilt and perhaps anger. The result for me, a feeling of being unwanted, unlovable, not good enough.

Fast forward, I am 3 months old and have just been adopted into my forever home. (I have no idea where I was for the first 3 months) While provisional and kind, my parents were not the touchy-feely type and I never heard the words I Love You.

My beautiful friend/coach helped me to see that I am seeking a man to fill that wound. To nurture.

The desire I have for a relationship with a woman is the desire I have to feel nurtured, held, and loved… by a mother. My mother. And both my mother’s birth and adopted we were unable to do that.

But I can.

And loving that part of myself, the little girl that has the mother wound will help heal the wound and my future relationship will certainly benefit from that.

Sometimes a conversation is all it takes. Other times we need more. A coach, a practice, a sisterhood, or a tribe.

Thank you, to my coach for being that for me today. All of it.

This is part of being an Uncaged Woman. This is the process. Wounds and all. This is life.

If you are still reading, you are my people. Thank you for holding space for me to speak this.

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